AN "I LIKE" PHILOSOPHY

Comedy from the mind of Allan C. Weiss .... such a simple concept, with funny overtones.  It really is the simple things in life that make it worth living ... and here are a few simple things that oughta put a chuckle in ya ...


I like hair.

I like to swing it in front of my eyes.

One time my hair got so long that it poked me in the eye and I had to go to the hospital to get the hair out of my eye and then heal my eye because it got partially scratched.

I like hair.


I like McDonald's Orange Drink.

It tastes like flat Tang.

Sometimes I like to take McDonald's Orange Drink and rinse my hair on my head with it which then turns my hair orange so I put on really big and red shoes and go around and tell people that I'm a clown but one time a guy didn't think I was funny so he hit me in the head.

I like McDonald's Orange Drink.


 I like lint.

It is very colorful and romantic.

I once made a collection of lint from various places, you know, like dryer lint, and navel lint, and I observed the different colors that made up this lint collection and decided that it was beautiful so I sewed every individual piece of lint to another and made a piece of modern art and took it to a museum, but they laughed and said it looked like a dead mouse.

I like lint.


 I like phone cords.

They remind me of limp Slinky (tm) s.

One time my phone cord, you know about a three foot long phone cord, got all twisted and tangled up that it was all kinked up this way and that so I took it to a chiropractor to have it straightened out, but he refused to work because he said that it wasn't something that he could fix by jumping up and down on.

I like phone cords.


 I like sharpening pencils

The rotary motion along with the subtle grinding helps me meditate.

One time I was sharpening a pencil when I began to go into one of my deep meditations, where I begin to see things that I normally don't see, and where I begin to talk to the imaginary figures I see, well, when I was there, I noticed that it was a lot like the world of The Simpsons, because everyone had only four fingers and really yellow skin, so then I started saying things that they normall say, you know, like "D'oh" for Homer, and "Eat my Shorts" for Bart, so then I got sued for a copyright infringement and hauled off to the Springfield jail where they pretty much just beat the crap out of me, it was very relaxing.

I like sharpening pencils.


 I like those hearts with printed messages

They're the only candy in the world that are freshly made stale.

One time I took those little hearts and started throwing them at people, but then I got in trouble because I hit one girl in the eye so I was sent to the principal's office where I sat and sat and then was brought in to talk to the principal and the girl was there too and so he asked me why I threw this little heart at her and I said that I just wanted to say something to her, and so he looked at the little heart and could make out the words "Dig Me" so that gave him a thought because he believe in an eye for an eye so he gave this girl a shovel and she dug a hole, I had to get in it and she burried me up to my chest, which I still remember fondly as my first date.

I like those hearts with printed messages.


 I like chicken wire

It's really like a large honey comb, without the honey.

I once took chicken wire and tried to shape it like a bee hive, and then I poured honey all over it so that it was really sticky but the only problem was that it looked too real, so a whole bunch of bees came and stole my hive from me and ever sense then I've been hiveless.

I like chicken wire.


 I like greeting cards.

Some of them are just so purty.

I've wondered what the person that creates the cards looks like, I mean, maybe they're just like you and me, except sitting around a table with a lot of paper thinking of witty things to put in greeting cards, and then I had to wonder, if I had that job, I wouldn't think of something witty to say or draw, but I'd make a person feel something when they got a card, like for Valentine's day, I'd have a card on the cover say, "You're a Knock Out" and then when they opened it up, have the card emit a poisonous gas that knocks a person out, then, when the person is found knocked out, you can know that they're thinking about you, the person that gave them the card, and realize that you bought a pretty good card.

I like greeting cards.


 I like slugs.

Slug-a-wug-a-lug!

I was camping once with some friends of mine and they decided that it would be cool to lick the slugs that were on the ground and so they did and they said it was a lot like going to the dentist because their tounge went numb and they said it fealt like there was hair growing on it, so then I asked them, how could you feel hair growing on your tongue if it was numb?   I just didn't get it.   After they licked the slugs, they wanted me to but I didn't because they had told me already how bad it was, so then one of them offered to "flavor the slug" up for me and I said maybe, so they poured salt on the slug, saying that that should make it taste better, and I had to say, how could something that was blue-brown with weird juice spurting out of it taste bad?

Slug-a-wug-a-lug.

I like slugs.


 I like slips.

They're like dresses, but they're underwear too!

I just found out that women wear slips to make their dresses not see-through, but then I remembered back to the days of my youth when I went to a local car dealership and "borrowed" one of their flood lights, put it in the back of my truck, and drove around just shining it on people, and baby, no little slip could withstand 1,000,000+ candlewatt power of that floodlight, so people started chasing me because they said I was sick and wrong, so I started to drive away in my truck, but the light drained my battery, the truck died, and I was told to not do that again.

I like slips.


 I like post-it notes.

Their colors are very soothing.

My mom used to like to write things for me to do on post it notes, and put them where she knew I'd be, like on the remote control for the tv, on the keyboard of the computer, or one time, on the milk in the fridge, so one time I came home and found a path of post it notes that lead into the closed and onto the vaccum cleaner with the final note saying VACCUM HALL, but I thought that I could save energy if I just picked up all of the post-it notes that made the hall look dirty, boy was proud of my work, but my mom wasn't.

I like post-it notes.


 I like tater tots.

They're the closest thing to Scooby-Snacks.

I used to take tater tots and first nibble the outer layer of the goodness of frying, and then eat the potato inside, but one time after nibbling off the outer layer, I found not the regular potato inside, but it was chocolate-looking, and since I like chocolate, I ate it anyway, and it was really good, but the problem was that I never found out what it was until I was watching television a few years later, and saw a commercial for Kibbles and Bits and Bits and Gravy Bits, but at least I knew that that night I had had a balanced meal of meat, fish, poultry, and now gravy.

I like tater tots.


 I like soup.

Sometimes it's Mmm...Mmm...Good(tm).

My friend just told me that he likes soup, and I just thought that I have to agree because I remember that once I was looking all over the house for something to eat, but I was in too much of a hurry to actually cook something, so I looked through the fridge and the cupboards, and I found a can of tomato soup, which at that time sounded like the best thing, so I grabbed a can opener, and a spoon, opened the can, and then started eating away, when my mom walked in and said that it's not good to eat it straight out of the can, so I grabbed some crackers, and kinda shoveled it out of the can with a cracker so that it's be better for me.

I like soup.


 I like snooze alarms.

They're one of the best mind tricks you can play on yourself.

I used to set my alarm to wake me up early enough to allow me to press snooze twice, but now that I think about it, I don't understand why I did it because usually when the alarm would go off it would interrupt a very interesting part of a dream that I'd be having, so I'd have to get up and shut it off, and then try to get back into my dream, but it would never work, I guess this is why I like snooze alarms because instead of being a hero in my dream where I was conquerring the world and people loved me, I was just some guy that was waiting for the next snooze alarm to go off so that I could wake up.

I like snooze alarms.


 I like tape.

It always sticks to what it's supposed to do.

I hate to think about all of the discriminations that tape would face if it were alive, even though it'd probably be a really nice person, dedicated, and hard working, people would still say that Mr. Tape couldn't do anything because, after all, he's just tape, which would be too bad because I once I was stuck on a really hard math problem, when a roll of tape came by and helped me ge un-stuck, and I had to think that it just wasn't fair that that tape couldn't go to college.

I like tape.


 I like toothpicks.

Did you know they now make them with handles?

I find toothpicks to be very helpful when I have some food stuck in my teeth, but I am really fascinated by the adding of toothpicks to pocketknives, you see, my pocket knife has a toothpick in it, and the last time I went camping I really needed a toothpick because I had a big 'ol grain of rice stuck between my teeth, so I pulled out my pocket knife, used the toothpick to dislodge that grain of rice, put the toothpick back, and began chewing on my pocketknife, because that's what you do, right, well it's not such a great idea if you're laying under a tree going to take a nap, the knife had rusted shut from my spit, along with a piece of my lower lip in the joints.

I like toothpicks.


 I like light bulbs.

If you drop them off of a 23 story building, they break.

I know someone that was setting up a display and arranging some lightbulbs so that the darker corners of the display could be seen, but unknown to them, the wiring wasn't too good, so when the lights were moved, it shorted a wire and caught on fire, almost burining the entire building and display down, but the fire department came, and investigated the situation, and told us what was wrong, and said--- hey, nice display, which we know had to come because the display was well lit.

I like light bulbs.


 I like lamp shades.

You can look like a robot if you put one on your head.

For the longest time, I could never understand why we needed lamp shades, because what they do is shade the light coming from a lamp, not only is this where the name comes from, but it's kinda pointless, I mean, you have a lamp to light up a room, so why block a lot of the light by putting a shade on it, it's just crazy, and that's what was going through my mind until someone told me that if we didn't have lamp shades, lamps would simply explode because the light bulb in the lamp (I like light bulbs) would create a gravitational pressure that would be so grand that the lamp itself would collapse, and there would be no light at all, so then I thought it's a good thing that we have lamp shades, because without them, my astronomy class would be a lot harder because of this gravitational force that does not coincide with the theory of stellar evolution.

I like lamp shades.


 I like film canisters.

You know, those things that rolls of film come in?

I was messing around with film once, and I had about five film canisters sitting on the table in front of me, and I thought, hey, I'll build a tower of film canisters, so when I build the tower, it started leaning, but I could understand why, so I took the caps off of the canisters, and it just stunk so bad that it made me pass out, as if there was a cloud of poisonous gas just waiting to be unleashed, so the next time I had to open a film canister, I just started squeezing the canister as hard as I could so that the cap popped off and shot into the face of my friend, who then also took the gas and collapsed, so I took some chalk, outlined his body, and took pictures, with the film.

I like film canisters.


 I like goldfish.

They are easily the most trainable pet you could ever have.

I once had a goldfish that I won from a county fair, and I named him Fred, but now that I think about it, I don't know if he was a male, but what was neat about Fred was that he would do anything I would tell him, especially when I said, "swim!" because you'd better believe that he swam, until one day when I gave him one treat too many for following my directions, and he got fat, lazy, and started talking back, which is something I Would stand for, so I kinda spanked Fred, but then Fred was confiscated by the Animal Rights Commission, and I never saw him again, but if you're out there, Fred, SWIM!

I like goldfish.


 I like useless decorations.

They drive up the costs of products that you need.

I have a little travel alarm clock that has a small metal-looking plate on the top of it that started to separate from the plastic lid that it sits on, so I decide to glue it back into place, and let it sit overnight, so when I check it the next day, that useless metal-looking plate has is secured back on the top of the clock, doing absolutely nothing, and some of the glue ran down and sealed the two lids together, making it impossible to use the clock, so I got my knife and began to cut away at the clue and began to pry the two lids open, and ended up breaking the top lid beyond repair, but don't worry, the small metal-looking plate that sits on top of the lid that broke, which is essentially just a useless decoration, is ok.

I like useless decorations.


 I like networks.

They're just so secure and stable.

Twice tonight I have written an I Like... to be distributed amongst the readers, and right before I could send both of them, the network crashed on me, sending the message to Nowheresville, which I guess wouldn't be that bad, because not only do the two messages have each other, but if they work hard (or at least as I hard as I worked on them) they can make a name for nowheresville, build it up into a booming metropolis, and finally put Nowheresville on the map, which really is something to be proud of, and they'll owe it all to the network.

I like networks.


 I like poles.

They are a trophy to our architectural knowledge.

I always seem to be lucky enough to get to and observe poles up close, because whenever I go to a place where there are poles, they are right in front of me, which is ok, because I realize that in no way this pole could harm me, unlike my friend who was walking down a street and telling a story when he walked right into a pole and hit his head on it, which made him mad, and he began his personal vendetta against poles, claiming that he would rid the world of poles, and decided to start with the two biggest poles he could think of, the North Pole and started to cut it down, but he saw a little tundra animal use the pole for a home, and it warmed his heart, which was good, but didn't help enough, because he had already frozen to death.

I like poles.


 I like keys.

Without them, pockets would be mostly empty.

Some people around here have a lot of keys, and hang them off of their belts so that when they walk, they jingle kinda like if they were wearing spurs, and if they run, it can sound like sleigh bells going by, and what do you think of when you hear sleigh bells, well Santa, of course, so you really have to wonder how many keys Santa has, because there's no way he really goes down the chimneys, he probably has a key to everyone's front door, and just walks right in, but man, I'd never be able to figure out which key opens which door, which makes Santa just that much more amazing because that's just a lot of keys.

I like keys.


 I like business cards.

They are a great thing to collect.

What I find most intriguing about business cards is that they fit right in your wallet when someone gives them to you, so that you'll find them sometime when you happen to be cleaning out your wallet, and you begin to ask yourself why you picked one of them up, because you'll never need an audiologist that specializes in repairing hearing aids, especially since you don't have a hearing aid, but then you end up keeping the card with the intention of giving it to someone who might need it someday, but by then you've lost it because you've taken it out of your wallet and put it someplace else, but it's impossible to find because it's so small, unless you have a wallet just for business cards, but you'd probably need a business card to find out where to buy that wallet, and that's pretty weird.

I like business cards.


 I like paperwork.

It's exciting when it gets lost.

I went to my academic advisor once, and when I got there he pulled out my file and asked me who I was, which was kind of weird, because he had to know who I was to pull out my file, but as it turned out, my file was empty and there was no record of me ever attending this university because the paperwork wasn't transferred when I switched advisors, making me the nonexistant, somewhat invisible student so I walked out of the room through the wall, because I could do that now that I don't exist but not completely, only somewhat, which is why my leg is still in the wall.

I like paperwork.


 I like stamps.

They're the pride and joy of the United States Postal Service.

Over the years I've been lucky enough to observe the increasing prices of stamps, but really, the service hasn't changed at all, so then I realized that it's not the service that's actually changing, but the stamps themselves, with fancier designs, more colorful artwork, and just a wider variety of pictures that you can have on your stamps, so what I wonder is why can't they just put out an all white stamp, and let you draw your own picture, so not only would the letter be unique, but the stamp collections would be that much more exciting, because you could follow the development of an artist, then, with the extra money the Post Office saves from not buying those fancy-schmancy pictures, they can buy a glue that tastes better, because wouldn't a cherry flavored stamp be much better?

I like stamps.


 I like brooms.

They'll sweep you off your feet.

I had to go borrow a broom today, and it was obvious that this broom had been used many times before because it had dust bunnies and other such things that you'd normally sweep up stuck in the bottom of the broom's bristles, so I was a nice guy, and cleaned it out- forming a large clump of fuzz, dust, and hair, but I just didn't know what to do with that clump, so I put it down on a shelf while I used the broom, but when I was done with the broom, I took it back to the closet and remembered that clump of stuff, and since there was still no garbage can or anything around, I swept that clump up and hid it in the broom, becaue hey- I have a broom, so I should clean up for whoever made that mess.

I like brooms.


 I like beef.

I guess it's just one of my many Texas traits.

One spring break I went to Texas, and my family hosted a large bbq for the whole family, including my grandma, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc., which was easy to do because we held it at my grandmother's farm and butchered our own food, which I guess is what made the food have that distinct taste-- even though my dad said it was the mesquite wood chips used in the bar-b-que, but then I also got to thinking, that since some taste is derrived from smell... and we were on a farm that had animals ..... maybe that extra flavor was coming from the... special sauce?

I like beef.


 I like spackling putty.

It's not silly, but spackling.

I was fixing up the room the other day, and decided that I needed to patch up some holes that were in the wall, so I borrowed some spackle from a friend, and began spreading the spackling putty along the tears in the wall, which turned out to be a really interesting event becasue the putty was slightly dry, and the first few globs that I put on the wall didn't stick too well and actually landed on the floor below, but the strange thing was that when the putty hit the floor, it landed in a corner of the room that hasn't been cleaned too often, and it landed on one of the biggest dust-bunnies you've ever seen, and clung onto it with all of it's spackling might, so I picked up the glob, with the dust bunny imbedded in it, and pressed it into the hole in the wall, arranging the dust and hair in the putty to make a smiley-face, and just brightening the atmosphere of the room.

I like spackling putty.


 I like straps.

They're good for securing things.

Have you ever wonderred why many of the new backpacks have a lot of straps on them, when really the only ones you use are the ones that you put your arms through, I mean, I was looking at someone's backback the other day, and I saw nine useless straps, of course, I say useless because he was on a college campus, but if he had an ice axe, hatchet, two water bottles, and other assorted items, I could understand why he'd need those straps, the only problem is, with that size of a backpack, you can't fit the tent and sleeping bag in with all of your textbooks, so it just doesn't make sense to me.

I like straps.


 I like packing.

Putting things in boxes is like giving someone a new home.

I was packing today, because I'm leaving tomorrow, and I was puting most of my stuff in boxes so that I can put it in the bulding storage instead of hauling it across the state and across the country, and it made me think about how I was discriminating against certain objects, basically everything except glass, because glass got all the attention when I was packing, I gave it padding material, and I made sure it was secure, other things I just threw in boxes, taped them up and called it good, but no, those glasses must think that they're pretty hot, especially since they're wrapped up with some of my blankets, and man will it get hot for them in the summer when they're all bundled up, it sucks to be glass!

I like packing.


 I like game shows.

It's hard to not pretend that you're the host of the show.

I was watching Jeopardy! this summer and I heard Alex tell a contestant that he was not specific enough on his answer, which made him lose points, but then he picked a Daily Double, and he rattled off the answer with like five prepositional phrases, and I was thinking, isn't that a little too specific, so then I thought it'd be funny if some game show host said, "I'm sorry, but you're answer is just not vague enough," but it would never work because every answer to every question would be either "THAT GUY" "THAT PLACE" or "THAT THING" and it just wouldn't be a challenge, unless the question was something like, "What is it?"

I like game shows.


 I like glove compartments.

Does anyone actually put gloves in them?

I usually put all of my gas receipts in my glove compartment, so I've got this whole stash of loose paper sitting in there, but the funny thing happens whenever I have a passenger open the glove compartment, and all of the receipts fall out and they blame themselves, apologize, and start cleaning up my truck for really what's my fault because I'm too lazy to file away my receipts, but I get a clean interior out of it, so how can I complain?

I like glove compartments.


 I like pure granulated sugar.

There's nothing that's more pure.

I bought myself a five pound bag of pure granulated sugar, just because it's a good thing to have, and while it was sitting on my shelf I noticed that on the side of the bag it says Ingredient: Sugar, which makes me wonder what else someone would expect there to be in PURE granulated sugar, and then to continue reading the label, it says that this bag of sugar contains 4g or sugar per serving, and I just don't understand, I mean, Ivory Soap is so pure that it flots, which means that PURE granulated sugar must float as well, but 4g really made me wonder if that was true, so I plugged my sink, poured in some sugar, and it sunk, so how pure is it?

I like pure granulated sugar.


 I like hail.

It's snow with an attitude.

We had a one-minute hail storm earlier this week, and as it came thundering down from the sky, I stood in a walkway talking to a friend about their history test on Julius Caesar, and staring those ice rocks bounce off the street, and it made me wonder if Caesar was that smart of a guy, I mean, you always see in the movies and things the "Hail Caesar" chant thing, which if I were Caesar would tell me that the people are planning on throwing ice rocks at me, which I could guess would hurt, and maybe eventually kill me but then maybe if I was looking out for people throwing hail at me and trying to kill me, I wouldn't notice people sneaking up behind me and stabbing me with knives, so I guess I couldn't have changed anything, but then I realized that no matter what, I'm not Julius Caesar, so it doesn't matter.

I like hail.


 I like TV's.

It's the easiest way to absorb radiation and become The HULK!

This year, I don't have a TV, so when I go down to my friends' and neighbors' rooms, and their TV's are on, no matter what I went to their room for, I'm blinded by the TV and instantly just start staring and smiling, but the funny thing happened when I woke up from my hypnotic state from walking into a room with a TV that was on, and found myself watching Saved by the Bell, which in itself is scary, but I was watching Screech in one of his exploits where the fake audience goes "AAAWwwwwwwwww" for him, and I just had to feel sorry for that guy, because you knew the problem was his voice-- otherwise he's the man, but that voice is annoying enough to make someone wake up from their TV trance and leave, the poor soul.

I like TV's.


 I like sock puppets.

They give you that warm, fuzzy feeling... on your hand.

The sock puppet show can be one of great success, especially if you use the socks that have the colored toe-tips on them, because if you fold them in, it looks like the have real mouths, but be careful: you don't want to make them look too real, or else they might just become real, like I saw happen once when one sock went crazy and bit another sock puppet, tore his sock off, and left just a bare hand, not only did I run for my life, but I had to think, "Poor sock, he's dead... and naked."

I like sock puppets.


 I like straws.

They're a small tunnel of wonder.

I was once drinking a really thick milkshake through a tiny straw, which I also think had a small hole in it, because when I would try to drink, the straw would contract in, not letting me enjoy my milkshake, so I finally got mad at the straw, and figured that with pure sucking force, I could make it give me the milkshake, so I started, but the straw suctioned itself to my lip, which sounds a little too much like a Pepsi commercial, but I wasn't dumb, and I stopped trying instead of sucking myself into the cup, but I had a little purple spot on my lip from where the straw attacked me, which later became a cold sore, but I don't see how it could be a cold sore, because my milkshake melted and got warm before I actually got to drink any of it.

I like straws.


 I like egg timers.

Why don't they make them with Indiglo?

I saw an egg timer recently and you could set it for up to 60 minutes before it would go off, and I just had to think to myself, if I were going to boil an egg, why would I want to boil it for 60 minutes, especially if was making it for breakfast, which most people eat their eggs with, I simply wouldn't wake up an extra hour early to boil an egg, but then again, after an hour, it probably wouldn't be much of an egg anymore, would it.

I like egg timers.


 I like airport waiting rooms.

Airports have them because they know they're going to be late.  When you're stuck in an airport waiting room for several hours waiting to see if some fog will clear, the people that will walk by and sit next to you and complain about how they're missing their flights, can be really humorous, because they feel like they're the only one that has been waiting, even though the waiting room is packed tight, but what's funnier is when an airline announces that they're going to board their plane and see if they can take off, so a flood of people run to the gate, all wanting to get to their seats, happy to be in that tiny little seat that they paid for because it makes them feel like they're actually going to take off, but really, it's just another waiting room for when the waiting room gets too crowded.

I like airport waiting rooms.


 I like lampshades.

Put a top on 'em, turn them upside down and you've got a trash can!

I was sitting on a couch today, and I looked over to my right and there sat a lamp on a small little table, with this rather large lampshade, and it really made me wonder-- it really doesn't block, or for that matter, shade, that much light, because first of all, there's no shadow, but really, a lot of light gets out, but think of it like this-- if a lot of light can get out, a lot must be able to get in right, and well, since I didn't see one of those UV protection logos on the lampshade, I think that lamp is pretty much done for, all because it's lampshade was lazy.

I like lampshades.


 I like dry-erase boards

If they're really dry erase, why do they have liquid cleaner for them?

Did you ever notice that when you erase a dry-erase board, the ink you used doesn't really just wipe off, but it rolls up into a little ball of dead ink, and falls to the ground, and then you start building this pile that keeps growing and growing, and have you ever heard the rumors that the dry-erase pens, when erased by hand, can give you flu-like symptoms because of the inks used in the pens, so you're not supposed to erase with your fingers, well, someone screwed up when they told the dry erase board about those flu-like symptoms because those little piles of dead ink are too small for brooms, vacuums, and can really only be cleaned up by hand, giving you the flu-like symptoms, but the dry -erase board probably laughs at you every time you do that because hey-- you're drawing all over his face, why wouldn't he want you to get sick?

I like dry-erase boards.


 I like D.B. Cooper.

I think that he assumed the life of my 9th grade English teacher.

I was in an airport trying to return home, and they had us board the plane, and then de-board because the rear exit on the Boeing 727 was broken and would not close, so, while I waited 6 hours in a line for ticket reassignment, the group of us that got to know each other quite well decided that if D.B. Cooper could fly with an open door on the 727, we should be able to too, but the airline wouldn't give us briefcases of money and parachutes-- we just had to make do with our seat cushion/flotation devices, but then again, we didn't get briefcases of money either, but based on how well that trip was going, my luggage would have been lost anyway.

I like D.B. Cooper.


 I like theme music.

It's even better in Dolby surround.

Have you ever noticed how lucky actors and actresses have it in TV shows and movies, I mean, whenever they get into a potential difficult situation, they can somewhat predict what's going to happen based on the music that starts playing in the background, and it's just not fair, I mean, why can't I, you're average Allen, have the same music, say, if I were to enter a room where my life was in danger with minor chords, and creepy, eerie, music playing, or better yet, if I happen to see the girl of my dreams, have some light, fluffy, happy music start playing, it's like the music can predict the future, and it's something that everyone should put on their Christmas list: theme music.

I like theme music.


 I like lightning.

I bet my opinion would change if it ever struck me, though.

I was backpacking once when we were surrounded by two lightning storms to our north, and to our south, and the thing just came in right on top of us, where it would be so close that you'd actually hear the thunder before you saw the bolt come crashing down, but the weird thing was, as we were crouching in our shock-positions for safety, I had to wonder if lightning liked basketball players, and I decided that it didn't because you always hear about how lightning strikes taller things, so I got mad at the lightning for discriminating against tall people and basketball players, but it brings new meaning to the phrase "he's on fire!"

I like lightning.


 I like windshields.

Do they really help the armor class of my truck, though?

I was making a 5 hour journey across the country on a very hot Sunday afternoon, and of course, I don't have air conditioning in my truck, so I had all three of my windows open, with a nice heavy air current going through and probably giving me hearing damage because of the loud howling, and the fact that I had to turn up my stereo a lot to still hear the music, but I started thinking about how much cooler it would be in my truck if I had a bigger window, or perhaps, no windshield, because really it does do just that, shield you from the wind, but then I looked closer at my windshield and saw all of the dead bugs, especially those big yellow splotches, and realized how stupid my no-windshield thought was because without that windshield, my sunglasses would get pretty messed up.

I like windshields.


 I like Beauty Bark

I wonder if it can communicate with dogs.

I was walking by a nicely landscaped area that had been freshly beauty-barked around all the small shrubberys, and I had to wonder, if this is THE beauty bark, what happened to the runner up, because beauty bark must have gotten it's title by winning a beauty pageant, but where did the runner up go, hopefully it's near by incase the beauty bark winner can't fulfill it's duties, and then the runner up will take it's place, but then again, all it has to do is just lay there, and if it can't handle that, did it really deserve to win?

I like beauty bark.


 I like napkins.

Are napkins recycled with all of the goop on them?

I was eating at a dining center once, and I happened to notice a young lady working at that dining center, whose job was to clean the tables and to replace the napkins in the little baskets on the tables, so to get her to come over so that I could talk to her, I took all of our napkins and hid them, but she just ignored me, and I decided oh well, I didn't get her phone number, but I got a lot of napkins.

I like napkins.


 I like note pads.

They're even better in octaves!

I got a bunch of free "Things to Do" note pads in the mail the other day, and I've been using them to write down little homework information, reminders about different things, you know, what you usually use note pads for, but I got to thinking, before I wrote on this note pad, there was no note, nothing to really make it a note pad, and we've all seen those commercials about pads and how some are supposedly better than others, so I immediately tore off a sheet from the no-note pad, folded it into an airplane and gave it wings: what a superior product!

I like note pads.


 I like candy bars.

Especially without the steel bar in them!

Why is it that on Halloween, people have gone through great extents to decorate their house, make it look scary, and invite young children in to knock on their door for candy, and through all of the elaborate charades, the young lad or lass is given an itty-bitty "fun size" candy bar instead of a full blown candy bar, I mean, why spend the money on the decorations and costumes-- I'm sure the kids would rather have a foot long candy bar-- now that would be a "fun size", but if you still want to scare them, give them raisins the size of coconuts.

I like candy bars.


 I like acronyms.

I.L.A.

Acronyms seem to be everywhere lately, I mean, I can't go to a class without hearing an acronym for some technical thing, I can't read a magazine without finding one, and I definitely can't just search the net without being bombarded by them, so I began to wonder if they've always been there, or if it's just a fad, and so I searched through all of my class notes from this semester, and the two previous semesters, and sure enough, I found acronyms everywhere, now I just need to find time to study.

I like acronyms.


 I like soggy cereal.

It's another great miracle of milk.

I'm sick and tired of seeing these commercials about cereal that won't go soggy, and bragging that even their last bite is crunchy, because I honestly can't stand crunchy cereal, I pour the milk on, take my shower and then come back to my cereal-- don't get me wrong: Snap, Crackle, and Pop are some cute little elves, but really, don't you just want to wring their little necks and say, "SHH! BE SOGGY!" because not only would it taste better, but also that much noise in the morning gives me a headache.

I like soggy cereal.


 I like sidewalks

They never seem to really walk anywhere.

I just noticed that it always seems to happen to me that when I'm walking on a crowded sidewalk, someone always manages to stop directly in front of me with no warning, most of the time it is to talk to a friend, and I get annoyed, because when I'm walking, I consider myself a vehicle, and no one is supposed to stop on the side of the road unless it's an emergency, if the stopper had a flat shoe, I would understand, and I may even offer help, but then I realize that there's no way I'd want a tow truck driving on my sidewalk, and I'd keep on walking.

I like sidewalks.


 I like JavaScript.

It's helping me create the most annoying I like... yet!

I decided that it would be easier for me to teach myself JavaScript rather than write a research paper for a class, because knowing JAVA would look good on a resume... in fact, I could just quit now, and write web pages for people that contain all of this wonderful JAVA that I know... these little pop-up boxes would get annoying after a while, but they keep you on your toes, and the ballet industry would like that... I would always have a job in ballet.

I like JavaScript.


I like windchimes.

They always make the neatest sounds wheather there is a little or a lot of wind blowing.

They come in all shapes and sizes ... some with pipes, others with shells ..... each with their own unique tones and pitch.  They hang from strings, or chains, or even fishing wire .... and with wind grabbing devices on each are never identical to another.  But the best part is that they have their own special sound when they hit the ground from a five story building.

I like windchimes.